No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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