I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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