four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
