We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
