i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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