Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
