she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
