it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
