My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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