then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there was a trapeze. enough said
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
