MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
