I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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