There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
