When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
