So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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