Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize