She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
