I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just want to make out with him forever
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
