I'm eating all of the evidence.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Houston, we have a squirter
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
