i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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