how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
