i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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