No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
