Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
