his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
