I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
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it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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