Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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