my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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