It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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