We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
