Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
