i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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