READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
