Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just invented taco cereal.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
