spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
