also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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