i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
