Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
