i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
