Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
