just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
