Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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