Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
