Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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