yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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