fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
