He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
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Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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