his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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