I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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