I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
