she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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