I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
