Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
