Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
