I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
