i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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