I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
