and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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