When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
