Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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