I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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