I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
