Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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