If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
