At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
