It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
