i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
