just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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